After a very long hiatus, I am returning to EP to see if I can get my ass on track again. As you can see, I am up 4.5lbs since the last time I logged on, but I am not freaking out. I got up to 194 during my time away. I was not consistantly gaining, I would gain a few, lose a few, gain a few, lose a few. Once I gained a few more than I lost...I decided to get back in gear. I'm never going to be a supermodel if I keep eating Ben & Jerry's (smores...oh my god...talk about orgasmic!!!) and Tombstone pizzas. Last week I decided that I was going to start doing my pilates after work everyday. I get off at 3pm and Jimmy works until 8pm, so I have plenty of time to work out without him walking in on me bent up in some unflattering pilates pose!!! Unfortunately, last week was also my TOM and along with being hateful to the entire human race, I was lazy, crampy and craving sweets. I decided that I would postpone my exercise until this week. EXCUSE #2: Unfortunately, this week I am working second shift 3p-11p. UGH. It really really sucks. I am so used to getting up at the ass crack of dawn for my 6:30am shift that I can't get into the swing of staying up later and getting up later. I stay up later and still get up before the sun rises. Needless to say, I am too tired and thrown off schedule to do my pilates!!!! FOR REAL...It starts next week. I got up into the mid 190's during my hiatus and I REFUSE to be a cow again. It's back on, people. HELL'S YEAH, TRACY...I'm back and I'm motivated. GREAT JOB on 182. I am so proud and jealous!!!!
This is apparantly my life's theme these days!! I get on EP about twice a week to read everyones' blogs, but never seem to "find time" to post my own. Of course, I always seem to find time to sit down and watch an hour straight of King of Queens reruns (even if TBS shows the same episodes 12 times in a row!!) I have started to blog a couple of times, but then stare at the blank screen wondering what to write about. Well, today I noticed that it has been exactly one month since my last post. It has been so long that people who used to harrass me to post don't talk to me anymore!!! hahaha. Just kidding...sort of.
My big news...I have a cold. Oh yeah-in the middle of 90 degree weather, I'm sitting bundled under a blanket, sipping tea and popping Mucinex DM like M&M's. WTF?? I blame the nasty-ass, germy FedEx customers who come in and ask me if I can package and ship a variety of Goodwill-rejected items to their second-cousins up in the hills. I'm not trying to talk smack on Southwest Virginia. I love it here...in the valley and on the lake. The mountains are beautiful and the countryside is often breathtaking...the Blue Ridge Parkway overlooks never cease to amaze me (especially in the fall). However, there are backwoods in "these here parts" and they are inhabited by what I refer to as "hill people". They live in tiny trailers in the middle of the woods at the top of hill, surrounded by POSTED, NO TRESPASSING. VIOLATERS WILL BE SHOT signs and confederate flags. No, I am not joking. I have been driving around and taken a wrong turn only to end up leaving the paved road for a single lane gravel one with a sign that says END STATE MAINTAINENCE. No. Really? I couldn't tell that my asphalt with painted lines and street signs had ended and I could faintly hear the twang of banjo music. But I digress. The reason I mentioned hill people is b/c they are going to take the blame for me being sick in the summer. I see them a few times a year in my center. They come in at tax time to copy and FedEx their returns and I see them when the item they have ordered on QVC is not what they wanted and they have to ship it back. (apparantly QVC has some quality products, b/c we don't see them much for returns!!) Anyhoo, so I recall a rather dirty looking couple I helped FedEx a package a few days ago and they were both hacking and snotting all over the place. I assumed that they had allergies and proceeded to help them package their item and fill out their airbill (neither of them had legible handwriting was their story. hmmmm) They are the only germy people I have been around (that I know of), so I am blaming them. On a postive note, I am down to 183.5lbs and still going strong. I am so close to the 70's that I have extra motivation. Once you pass the 5 mark, it seems way more attainable...you know 185...6 pounds to go. 184...5 pounds. 183...4 pounds. HELL'S YEAH. 5 pounds is nothing. I can do that in my sleep. (Yeah right...then why aren't I doing it???) Seriously, though, I will be at 179 by my birthday (June 7). I am turning 29 and being 1 year away from 30 is not bothering me a bit...YET!! So, 29 in 6 days...plenty of time to lose 4 pounds...Maybe. Be prepared for a gain afterwards, though, b/c Jimmy is getting me a Maggie Moo's Chocolate Better Batter ice cream cake and taking me to Red Lobster. I hope he tells the waitress that it is my birthday so that all the servers will come and sing to me. Yeah. That isn't embarrassing at all.
This little game of torture I play with myself has got to stop (haha, I said "play with myself!!") I don't know why I feel the need to eat every morsel of food that crosses my path. Even if I don't like it, I'll probably eat it. UGH. Case in point...today at work, there was a bag of garlic & onion roasted cashews. GROSS. I don't care for nuts unless they are covered in at least 2 layers of chocolate, and I'm not a big garlic/onion fan on account of burping up the stench all day. All that being said, I ate 3 handfuls. It doesn't end there. A coworker from last night's shift had ordered CiCi's pizza. He finished his pizza, but left half an order of brownies. YUM. If you are not familiar with CiCi's brownies, DON'T TRY THEM. There will be no going back. They are a bit goey and dusted...or should I say burried...in powdered sugar. HELL'S YEAH. At 6:30am (and after 2 cups of coffee), the last thing my system needed was a sugar shock. TOO BAD, BODY. HAH. TAKE THAT. I ate 4 brownies. In my defense, they are much smaller than the squares I cut on the rare occaision when I make brownies. (Should I mention that I cut the pan into 4 brownies??!!!!!!!) So much for buckling down. I am not going to weigh myself today, first, b/c my "weigh in day" is Friday; and second, b/c I do not want to see the effect of my actions. DAMN YOU, FOOD ADDICTION AND HUNGRY HUNGRY FAT CELLS!!!!! (hey, I have to blame something!!!!) On a positive note...good luck to my sister who is in a battle with a coworker to see who will lose 20lbs first. The loser takes the winner out for sushi. My coworkers would take that bet without blinking...they know they can bring in food and sabotage me!!!!!
That saying rings true now!! I just returned from an outstanding trip to the tornado watching town of Abiline, TX, and things really are bigger there. Women's hairdos. Roads. Vehicles. My ass. My dad's side of the family had a reunion this past weekend in Texas. I (living in Virginia) had no reason (or means of finance) to go until my Mum told me that her, my dad and my brother were flying over from Germany to go. Needless to say, I was ecstatic!! It had been a year since I last saw my Mum and 18 months since I had seen my dad and brother. I took some time off work and after Mum and Dad bought me a ticket (I contributed a little) I was on my way!! It was AWESOME to see them (especially since I look WAY better than the last time they saw me!!). It was also awesome to throw down on all the "from scratch" cooking that my Great Aunt Shirley was always making!! I ate the WHOLE time I was there with no regard to my diet or how I was going to have to fit in a plane seat on the way home!!! As you may see from my graph, I did gain, but not much at all. I was so surprised. Especially since the day after I got home, I weighed and was down 4 pounds. I guess it took a while for the fat to cross the time zone!!!! German chocolate cake (even the icing was from scratch), potato soup (with VELVEETA.....droooool), sausage biscuits & gravy, peach cobbler, HOMEMADE BANANA ICE CREAM...I could go on, but I am only torturing myself since I have been buckling down since getting back late Monday night. It is on, now!! I have updated my weight and my goal date, so I am back on track. Nice to see everyone again...I'll try not to stay away this time!! Tracy...sorry to hear about the accident. That really really blows. Hang in there...you know you've got friends if you need some support!!! I'm off to Walmart to get some groceries...no chips or cookies this trip. I'm going straight for fruit.
Ok, Tracy...thanks for the kick in the butt. You are 100% right about my lack of posting. Wanna hear the kicker? I log on every single day to see if the people in my "buddy list" have posted!! Sad but true, my friend!!! So, again, thank you for the very much deserved kick into gear!! (p.s.-awesome photos, btw!!! You look really pretty in that one in the kitchen!!)
My latest adventure invoves a lazy weekend walk down by the river. There are train tracks that run along the high bank of the river in my town, and a nice little paved "river walk"/bike path/playground area on the other side. It was our first really nice day last weekend (the type of day where you actually want to be outside because it is finally not cold, but it isn't so hot that you would rather die than be out of the comfort of your air conditioning!) so Jimmy and I decided to go for a walk along the river. We walked from our house to the end of the "river walk" and instead of walking back the way we came, Jimmy suggested we walk back along the train tracks. Calm down, Mum, this section of track isn't used anymore and I was in no danger of being plowed down by a train!! So, we start walking along the tracks and after about 10 minutes of walking, we come across a man on his back behind a warehouse on the other side of the train tracks. I started to panic thinking that this man was dead...especially when Jimmy said, "he's not breathing." HOLY SH*T...my mind was racing, do we go over to see if he is ok? (keep in mind that he may be dead, or a drunk-passed out-whino bum...both scenarios=scary in my book) Do we turn around and go back (keep in mind we had been walking for 10 minutes along the tracks and were about halfway back to our starting point) Do we keep walking and pretend we hadn't seen him and hope that he wasn't dead (and CSI wouldn't find my footprints or hair on the tracks and think I had killed him). Needless to say, I was in full-on panic mode. We stood on the tracks and stared at him for a full 5 minutes. "He's not breathing", Jimmy said AGAIN. "Yes he is", I said (even though he sure didn't look like he was breathing to me...I just wanted to get the hell out of there!!) Then, after almost 8 minutes of staring at him, he moved his arm up over his chest and then snored a little and fell back into his Steel Reserve induced coma. As you may imagine, he hadn't moved for so long that when he did move, my heart jumped into my throat and a terrified, yet semi-contained, scream escaped my lips and I took off in a full gallop along the train tracks. I finally stopped when I had rounded a curve and the comatose drunk was out of view. Puffing and panting, I bent over trying to catch my breath and slow my racing pulse. A few minutes later, Jimmy rounded the corner laughing his ass off at what a scardy cat I am. That only pissed me off, and we walked the next 5 minutes in silence. I kept looking over my shoulder, terrified that the bum would be behind me with an axe or a chainsaw and try to steal my jewelry for booze money. Melodramatic, much? The moral of this story, my friends, is that exercise is NO GOOD!!!! Ok, not really, but I will NEVER go on the tracks again...I am sticking to the yuppie-filled bike path!!!
I have been eating like a pig for a week straight. I don't know if you have tried the Pizza Hut cheesy bites pizza, but it is AWESOME. If you haven't tried it...DON'T. All it is going to take is one of those piping hot cheese filled bites and you are hooked. Especially if you get it with pineapple...YUMMMMM! Also, the Easter candy can only be ignored for so long. Once again, I gave into my desires and bought a bag of Cadbury's Mini Eggs (the little bag, this time, not the family bag!!) I am rationing them out, although it really doesn't matter if I eat the whole bag at once or stretch it out for a week, does it? It is the same amount of chocolate and sugar going into my system. The crazy part of my pig out fest is that I am actually down half a pound from the last time I weighed. I forgot to weigh on Friday (my normal weigh in day) and by the time I remembered, I had downed 2 cups of coffee and a big bowl of Special K. I decided to wait to weigh until yesterday morning after my morning bathroom break and before my coffee and breakfast!
So, the impending deadline looms closer...I was asked if I was going to change my goal or move my deadline back. I've decided to do neither!! I am going to buckle down and see how that tight deadline affects my willpower and strive to actually lose this damn weight. No more chocolate. Ok, not as much chocolate. No more cheesy bites pizza. FOR REAL. I can't let myself have another one...no matter what. It will be difficult because not only do I really like them, but my boyfriend does, too!!! He is pretty cool about my diet, though, although he is worried that I will lose too much. He says, "I like my women like I like my steak...THICK." Unfortunately, I don't like myself "thick", so I have some more work to do. I will try and get online more often...it seems like when I get on here daily, I tend to do better sticking to my diet. I am at work right now, so I have nothing to eat or munch on. GOOD. A guy that worked last night ordered Papa John's and left some of it. Luckily, he poured the garlic butter right over the pizza, so it got all saturated. If it had been normal leftover pizza, I would probably have thrown down!!! Ok, willpower, time to shine.
I just realized that I only have 35 days left to lose 22.5lbs. Hmmm, something tells me that the deadline I set for myself is not going to be a realistic one. Especially when the Cadbury's Mini Eggs are taking a while to break away from my ass and thighs. I have the day off today and should be cleaning my house. I am procrastinating big time, though. I did the dishes and tidied the kitchen & then came online to pay some bills since I just got paid. MISTAKE!! I should've finished cleaning before getting online b/c now I have paid bills, checked email, chatted with my Mum and now I am blogging here. I taped Tyra's show from last week about her weighing 161lbs and her positive attitude about being thick! I really want to watch it, but like I mentioned, I have housework to do!! ($20 says I'll finish this post and then watch her show before doing anything else around the house!!!) Anyhoo, I am down a little since last week when I weighed, so that is pretty cool. I need to buckle down and keep telling myself 35 days. 35 days. 35 days. SHEESH, no pressure.
What the hell is wrong with me?? I wanted chocolate so badly the other day that I made a trip to CVS specifically to buy chocolate. But not just any chocolate. I was in CVS last week picking up a prescription and came upon the Easter displays. Yes, yes, although it is only February, the Easter candy has been out for 2 weeks now. So, as I am walking past the candy, I (idiotically) took a detour in search of my drug of choice. Cadbury's Mini Eggs. Keep in mind that this particular bag of chocolate only comes out around Easter and then is put back into the Cadbury's vault until the next year. I spotted the dark purple packaging almost immediately and felt my pulse quicken, $3.99 for the family size bag (on sale with my CVS card). I looked at the smaller bag, $2.99 (not on sale). Hmmmmm...what to do? Buy the family size bag and get almost double the amount for only a dollar extra? Buy the smaller bag, don't get a deal, but eat less mini eggs? Or (the correct choice for anyone on a diet) walk away with just my prescription? Well, I actually did choose door number 3 and left with just the scrip. Here is where it gets disturbing. After I saw that big, beautiful, purple, family bag of candy, it was all I could think about. Seriously, the only time I didn't think about it was when I was eating a meal, but as soon as the meal was over, I wanted those mini eggs for dessert. I held off for 3 days, but in an addict's blind craving, I got in my car and drove to CVS to buy the candy. Yes, I made a trip to the store JUST to buy candy. However, as I'm sure many of us with weight problems understand, going into a store and buying only candy is almost impossible. What will the cashier think? What will the people in line behind me think? So, I strolled around the makeup department and found some mascara and lip plumping gloss I'd seen in Cosmo. I ended up spending $14 on shit I didn't need just because I was too ashamed to buy the candy that I shouldn't have bought. Ahhh, what a tangled web we weave. To sum up, I gained 4 pounds since the last time I weighed (which is probably due to the fact that in 3 days I ate the whole family bag of mini eggs all by myself) and now I am super pissed at myself. Damn You Chocolate Addiction. Damn You Lack Of Willpower.
Can I just tell you how badly it SUCKS when you have a whole blog ready to go and you accidentally hit the back button on the side of your mouse and lose it all!!! AAAARRRGGHH. This has happened three times now (not in a row!) and I have decided to type my blog in Word and then copy it into my blog from now on. Let’s see if I can remember what I blogged about:
Ok, Superbowl Sunday was not good for me. Well, it was actually awesome…I enjoyed the game and the snacks!! My planning ahead with the healthy snacks for me and the normal football snacks for J did not work out like I had hoped. It all started when he came into the living room with a big bowl of salsa and chips. “I’ll just have one” I said (actually believing myself) and proceeded to eat them until my mouth was on fire from the salsa and my lips hurt from the salt on the chips. WEAK. It doesn’t end there. I mentioned in my last blog that J had some Butterfinger ice cream, and since I had scarfed down all those chips, I said, “what the hell, I’ve already blown it this evening” and ate a bowl of ice cream. I went to bed Sunday night feeling fat and guilty. I woke up Monday morning feeling fat, weak, guilty and pissed for blowing my best triumph in this little game we call dieting. I had made it to 188.5 and I was so proud to be off my plateau, but I still gave in to food. To make up for Sunday, I was really good all week. A customer brought in peanut butter cookies topped with chocolate icing. I thought I was going to have an aneurysm. I wanted a cookie so badly that I was salivating just thinking about the box of them sitting back on the break table. Pavlov’s dogs have nothing on me when it comes to drool!! All I kept telling myself was “you just bought a SUPER SEXY red dress and that cookie will not look good on your hips and ass in that outfit”. What good is having a red halter dress to wear out in hopes that someone sees how awesome you look and passes it on to your asshole, cheating ex? Or better yet, him seeing me with his own eyes looking fine and happy with my new man and svelte body!! (especially since the “woman” he cheated on me with is getting rather chunky since they moved in together!)
It must have worked b/c I weighed myself this morning and was down to 185!! HELLS YEAH. I totally forgot to weigh myself before I drank my coffee this morning, so I had a tummy full of dark roast while I weighed. I would like to think that I had at least another half pound of loss that the coffee negated, but I am ECSTATIC. I have just over 2 months to get down to my goal before I see my family again. I am going to do it!!!!!!
I have been struggling with a plateau lately. It seems that no matter what, I am caught between 189 and 195. I yo-yo between that 6 pound window all the time...and I have been stuck for months. So, low and behold, I get on the scale this morning and see 188.5. HOLY CRAP. I know it is only half a pound less than the fated 189, but to see an 8 instead of a 9 after months and months of trying feels fantastic. Lets see if I can continue with this momentum and I won't get stuck back in the yo-yo. I know that ashleyb knows what I am talking about (congrats, girl...you are doing awesome & your haircut is super cute!!). It is amazing how such a tiny little triumph can put you in the right frame of mind to retake control and get your ass back in gear. I usually weigh myself on Friday mornings and update my log, but for some reason, I was getting ready to take a shower this morning before work and something told me to get on the scale. I usually ignore the voice b/c I am what some would call a neurotic weigher!! I have been known to weigh myself 3 times a day every day!!! I know that to get a realistic weight, you should do it once a week, so I have been pretty good about that. Until this morning...and DAMN am I glad I did. I am so ready to go home and do some pilates after work (and before I watch the superbowl tonight.) Speaking of the superbowl, I am totally prepared with snacks for me and snacks for my boyfriend. We are going to stay in and watch it at home, so he has his essentials (beer, chips, salsa and butterfinger ice cream) and I have my not-so-much-essentials-but-better-for-me-snacks (crystal light fruit punch, reduced fat wheat thins and assorted fruits.) It is going to be hard not to eat some ice cream, but maybe that is why a little voice made me weigh in this morning. Now that I know I am back on track, it should be easier for me to control my self tonight.
"...I will not use food to satisfy my frustrated desires, build up my injured ego or dull my senses..."
